This post has been three months in the making and I still am having a tough time writing it. Not because I am unable to find the words to express what I need to say but I feel like I am at the edge of a very high cliff and about to jump off without a parachute.
For the past five years, I have been happily and not-so-happily publishing MOM Magazine. When I started the mag it was with the intent of changing the stereotype of moms everywhere. I think I had some relative success with my goals and helped lend a voice to those who wanted something outside of the cookie-cutter mommy-based groups but after seeing some things recently in the mommy industry, and with my lack of interest in being a part of the mom clique or anything that it brings with it, I've decided it is time to focus my attention elsewhere.
Since the FIERCE awards, I have been plotting, planning and developing a new business that will essentially remove me and my identity from the MOM industry. I will be launching a new website in January that is FIERCE-focused and will basically swallow up MOM as you know it.
As of January, MOM will no longer be a magazine of any sort.
The website will still be found under a tab on the new FIERCE site and can still be accessed through MOMmagazine.ca and I will still be adding content that is not relevant to FIERCE onto that site (taking a deep breath for air) BUT I am no longer in love with MOM. I used to be so passionate about what I did, making a difference, breaking the rules... now I just don't give a fuck.
I'm over it. I have changed so much in the past five years that if I could visit myself five years ago, I would only smile knowingly at that 32-year-old girl, admiring her fire and drive. I wouldn't change a thing, not any of the bad and certainly not any of the good. I have met some amazing people through MOM Magazine but it's time to close the door on it.
I'm not locking that door, merely closing it silently.
Instead of jumping off that cliff, I think I'll look for a bridge to get me to the next mountain I plan on climbing.
Merry Christmas, love and light for 2012, and a nipple pinch just because.
Thanks for the last five years, it's been a helluva ride!
Tomorrow I turn into a deliciously sexy 37 year old, and I'd like to think I've matured somewhat like the fine wine I like to drink but I'm more likely to be compared to that cheap second bottle I dip into on the nights when one just won't do.
I like to look at each birthday as a gift; the mere fact that I get to SEE 37 years on this earth means that I haven't somehow fucked up my life enough for it to end in some horrific and somewhat embarrassing headline in the Edmonton Journal.
Not that I haven't tempted fate enough, mind you.
I've made stupid choices, drank more wine than most would admit to without checking into rehab, and have the battle scars to prove I've been through more depression, anger, loss, and self-hate to know that being on THIS side of that shit is a much happier place.
When my mom was 36, we celebrated my 18th birthday at the Cromdale (which just got the nod for demolition *happy birthday to ME*), and now that I am a year older than she was when I was 18, it makes me see how truly blessed I am to be turning 37 and have the life that I have.
My life, however, is not without it's faults but I will tell you 37 things I am grateful for now that I am on the verge of turning 37.
37) My life. All of it. The hurt, the abuse, the sadness, the anger, the joy, the tears, the laughter, the loves, the losses, the friends, the enemies, the jobs, the travels, the successes, the failures, the memories. All of it made me who I am at this very moment and I like who I am.
36) My grandparents.They were such an integral part of my life and an integral part of who I am. I lived with them in Kuwait the year I turned 9 and I believe it changed the direction of my life. That year I learned to speak Arabic, studied Islam, was exposed to other cultures and experienced life outside of the inner city in Edmonton. It was a defining moment in my life, one I will always be grateful for.
35) The day I got hired at the Kelowna Daily Courier.I will never forget it. The year before my boyfriend, who lived in Toronto, died and I was unable to attend the funeral. For the entire year I was in a funk. I had no one to talk to, no one who understood what it was like to lose someone like that. Close to the one year anniversary of his death, which was days after my 21st birthday, I started thinking about things I wanted to do with my life so I researched newspapers I wanted to work at. The Okanagan Sun looked like a cool paper so I called them up and asked for a job. They flew me down for an interview and said they would contact me in a couple of weeks so I returned home but my thoughts went to my boyfriend's mom. I called her up and asked if I could come and see her (I never made it to the funeral because it was held Grey Cup weekend in Toronto and the Edmonton Eskimos were playing the Argos. Talk about the Universe keeping me from going, there were no flights available at all). Long story short, I went to Toronto and met his mom. It was one of the most spiritual experiences I ever had. Upon returning home I had a friend pick me up at the airport. I begged him to let me stop at his apartment and call my messages (pre-cellphone days). We did and that was the moment I got the message that I got the job as a sports scribe at the daily paper in Kelowna. It was one chapter of my life closing while the next one began.
Tara. She has the most gorgeous eyes
34) Tara.She's my girlfriend that I knew in Grade 5. We were best friends back then. I used to write stories about us in the form of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, myself, of course being Sherlock Holmes. We lost touch after I moved back to the innercity but she kept popping up at random times throughout my life. Our friendship was meant to be. We have since rekindled that kindred spirit and are still best friends who get each other in a way no one else does.
Teresa. She has the most beautiful smile
33)Teresa.She's the girl who's boyfriend I dated in High School (after they broke up of course). We became best friends after High School, terrorizing the Edmonton bar scene with our skanky outfits and slutty ways that only two soul mates can understand. We were young, independent, sassy and not so classy but she understood me more than anyone else in the world did. She was there for me when my Granma passed away and probably saved my life more times than even she knows. Our "thing" was The Outsiders and to this day she still calls me "Dally" because I used to tell her, "You get tough and you don't get hurt." I still love her more than she knows.
Karissa. She is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside
32)Karissa.This bitch is smug, arrogant, highly intelligent, and the kindest soul you will ever meet. I met Karissa when I published our first issue of MOM Magazine and we developed a friendship that has withstood more than I thought I deserved in any friendship over the past 5 years. She's the girl who has your back. She is the first one to stand up and offer help when I need it and she's the first one to call me on my bullshit (and live to tell the tale). Her compassion and tolerance for people is beyond what I can put up with but she is truly one of my best friends. And I know she LOVES it when I pinch her nipples in public. Aw yeh, yeh she does! Ask her. She's on Twitter.
Wendy and my boyfriend her husband. She glows!
31) Wendy. There are some people who come into your life when you least expect them but need them the most. Wendy is that girl for me. Weird connection but she's the wife of the (hot) guy who used to be my print rep before I went on "hiatus" with MOM. We met once at MOM's First-Ever Foresome and didn't reconnect for about two years. But when we did it was like seeing an old friend I hadn't seen in forever. Wendy and I are connected by the Red String of Fate, I truly believe that. I believe that of Tara, Teresa and Karissa too but Wendy came into my life when I was at my darkest and has never left my side. As a true Scorpio, I'm loyal to a fault and poor Wendy is stuck with me forever.
30) When I turned 30, I threw myself a little soiree at our place and my granpa came over to help me celebrate. He brought me some crazy little Beanie Baby and wrote "To Stinker love Granpa." I still have that Beanie baby and smile at the memory of him being here with me to celebrate 7 years ago.
Karen. I love hugging her and telling her I love her because she used to be so uncomfortable with it but now she likes it :D And she's so pretty!
29)Karen. I remember meeting Karen the year after I launched MOM. She is an Edmonton Morning Radio personality/celebrity (even though she is quite shy and reserved in real life and backs away from the spotlight) and I was awe-struck by the fact that she was JAMIE HENDRIX! If you know Edmonton radio at all, you will remember the morning show on 100.3 The Bear when it was AWESOME and had Cubb Carson, Sled Dog and Jamie Hendrix. She was SO freakin' cool then so meeting her was like meeting a local celeb. We bonded over our mutual lust for hockey hottie Sheldon Souray and have maintained a supportive friendship that will last a lifetime.
SherryLynn. She SPARKLES!
28)SherryLynn.Before I launched MOM, I had decided to do something fun so I became a Passion Parties consultant. SherryLynn was a consultant too and I honestly didn't think she liked me much. Fast-forward six years and we met again but this time we became fast friends. AND we share a birthday (Happy Birthday SherryLynn!) She's the most mature, down-to-earth, kickass chick I know and her signature "Sparkle" makes me smile every time I think of her!
27) My first boyfriend. He was Teresa's boyfriend (see #33) and we dated after high school. His mom hated me (I'm now seeing a pattern with guys and their moms, FML) and told me that I was ruining her son's life. Huh. I actually think I've heard THAT before too. At any rate, he's still working at the same gas station he was when he dumped me for some other skanky slut girl and I'm all happily-ever-after and shit with Big Daddy. Still, I did learn SO many things from him and for that, I'm grateful.
26) The diary I just found from when I was 19 years old. Yeh. THAT was a trip back in time not so much. I had all kinds of secrets in there from my first one-night-stand (don't judge, it was AWESOME not so much) to my declaration of love for yet another one-night-stand (yep, I was a slut, what?) to the very last line in the last page of my diary dedicating it to my daughter and for her to learn from my mistakes. Who knew I'd have Lola?
The Great &Powerful Oz
25)Oscar. I was 27 when I had my little ginger firecracker. The great and powerful Oz was so meant to be. I remember leaving Big Daddy's parent's place one day in May 2001 and telling him, "We need to have a baby." He looked at me confused and said, "Well... OK." Bada bing bada boom, kid was born 10 months later. It's like I FELT his soul enter mine. Another Red String connection. Oz came to my life to teach me compassion, patience, calm and gentleness, and he's the most kindest soul you will ever meet. He is nothing like me or Big Daddy yet everything about him IS like us except better.
24)Marrying Big Daddy. *sigh* I always said it would be a cold day in hell if I ever got married but BOO to the hell YAH I got married anyway. Granted, it was -26C and literally 3 weeks after we found out we were the winners of the A-Channel's Big Breakfast (now CityTV's Breakfast Television) wedding extravaganza! It included EVERYTHING: Decor, wedding dress, rings, event planner, location, reception, honey moon to the Dominican and SO much more). I remember Teresa (see #33) telling me she overheard an A-Channel employee saying they gave our marriage 6 months before it ended, and thinking, "Imma show that biatch"... well. It will be 12 years in January, together for 13 on Dec. 29. How's that for "Suck my dick, I'm still married!"
A pic of me and Ron taken on the night we met. See? PINK SHIRT!!
24)I was 24 when I met Big Daddy and the short version of this story goes...I was working in Kelowna (see #35) when I decided to come back to Edmonton and hang with my cousin and his wife for New Years. In walks Big Daddy wearing a PINK (to this day he swears it's red & white) shirt; I was forever smitten. OK, well...honestly, he was suppose to be a one-night stand (see #27). But I looked passed all the cuddly crap and haven't looked back since. Except when I'm looking at my Mancandy boyfriends on TV like Jensen Ackles or LL Cool J.
Squeeeee! One of my boyfriends, Jensen Ackles from TV's Supernatural *giggle*
22)The press box at the Oilers games. See, once upon a time I was a sports writer, determined to be the best damned sports scribe in the business. NHL Hockey Hall of Fame sportswriter Jim Matheson once told me that I was a better writer at 20 than he was at that age. Oh hell yeh, I was so going places! But I gave it up and don't regret it although I can't watch hockey anymore with out feeling some remorse and sadness knowing that I could have been superbad awesome! Oh well, at least I know I was good and those times in the press box are memories I will always cherish.
21) Parkdale Elementary/Jr. High.I spent my Grades 7-9 years at this inner city school not realizing then what an impact it would have on my throughout my life. The school recently closed right before it's 100th year and when I went back to have a peek around, it was still as haunted as I remembered it. My friends who were with me throughout those years - Dawna, Kat, Cornelia, Lisa & Bernice - have no idea how they saved me. Those were the years when the sexual abuse started, it's when I became an older sister to my little brother Joe, it's when my favourite uncle Darrell died (he was a Scorpio too and had two jailbird tats of Scorpions done on his hands: one for me and one for him), it's when I started to develop the shell I built to protect myself from the stuff I still see if I let myself. Those friends... yeh. It's like the last line in the movie Stand By Me: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12 - Jesus, does anyone?"
My friends in junior high (no, I'm not in this pic)
20)Wow, I've kind of given y'all TMI about me. The Top 20 things won't be nearly as heavy! My Scorpion tat. So to mark my 21st birthday I tore a page out of the Cosmopolitan's Bedside Astrology Guide and had the image tattooed on my back. The next year I got my initials TLC tattooed underneath that Scorpion. I am a true Scorpion: feisty, hot headed, impatient, loyal, passionate, and not one to fuck with.
19)Coffee. If you know me at ALL you know I love my coffee.
18)Wine.Yup. Tis my thing. Love to swallow, I never spit.
17)Jersey Shore.My Guilty little pleasure! Makes me feel better about my own misspent 20s. And thankful as FUCK that reality TV or Youtube wasn't around back then!
16) Tony Soprano and Dexter.For some reason I relate to them. Yup. Guess I'm a sociopath on some level LOL
15)Debra Morgan and Masuka. DAMN! If they had a kid, it would be me! Swearing like a motherfucker, talkin' about the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. *tweaking your nipples* What?
Deb Morgan (Jennifer Carpenter) from Dexter. We are SO much alike, I mean, look at her body, doode! It's like looking in a mirror. HA!
14) Anjulie. Cuz I'm like a Brand New Bitch!
13)Eminem.Because I can totally relate to him. And he's my boyfriend. (back off Karissa, I will smack you DOWN!)
12) Michael Buble.He personally wished me a happy birthday! With a kiss and EVERYTHING! And he offered me wine! See...
OK so this pic was in a book I got for my birthday (and yeh, I am now finishing this blog ON my actualy birthday) BUT I think he was THINKING of me when this picture was taken. Right? Exactly.
11)Wine. Did I mention wine? Yeh I'm mentioning it again because I love it. A lot.
10) West Edmonton Mall.Seriously, when they took the title sponsorship for the FIERCE Awards, I almost DIED! But instead, I did a vlog :D omg I look AWFUL in this. Whatevs.
9)Jasper Park Lodge.I love that place. I love the people who work there. I love the experiences I've had there. I love love LOVE everything about the JPL. If you haven't been, go. Seriously. Christmas in November... bucket list!
8) My Zen bubble. I meditate a lot and believe that the universe will always give me what I need, even if it's not what I want. Embracing my spiritual side has been the best thing I've ever done. I've grown so much over the past 10 years, more so in the last two but I credit most of it to allowing myself to be spiritual.
7) Twitter. Yup. I love my twits. If you're a twit, I love you too. Unless you're one of those crusty bitch twits. Then I'm just indifferent to you. Twitter has been SO much fun over the past 2 1/2 years and I love all of the online relationships that I've made during that time.
6)Sharon, Erica, Maria, Kathy, Kelli, Cheri-Lynn, Nataleeeeeee, Duri, Laurie, Laurel, Leslie and all of my OTHER cool friends that I met on twitter who live out east. I really like these girls (and Duri). Grateful to have them in my life :D
My Lola!!
5) Lola. Now this isn't a favourite kid thing, it's a "She just turned 6 but I still think of her as 5, is that weird?" thing. Lola is my littlest soulmate. I am in awe of her, truly. I always said that if I ever had a girl she had to be born with dark hair, green eyes, be born in November and be a Scorpio. Voila! The universe gave me my little green-eyed mini-me, proof that the universe DOES listen and give you what you need. I so need this little girl. She has taught me so much about myself and I could gush all day about how amazing she is.
4)Lash Extensions! I've become SO girly over the past year, even Big Daddy called me on it! Lash extensions make my already beeeeeeeautiful eyes even much more so! I call them my Snufalupagus lashes because they're so long and pretty! Flirt Eyelashes in Edmonton... $65 a set. MOM Approved.
3)FIERCE. The Awards were beyond anything I could have hoped for and I am looking forward to building on the momentum I have created. I am usually pretty humble about taking credit for what I do but FIERCE... yeh... I DID THAT! And I am SO proud of it!
2)MOM. The past almost 5 years of MOM have been great and truly a lesson in so many ways. I've met some inspiring and empowering women because of MOM and have grown into a better person because of this magazine.
1)Big Daddy. He knows all of my darkness and for some twisted reason still loves me. I may not show him every day just how truly grateful I am for him, but I am. Working on that whole "being nice" to him, too :D Now if only he would take out the goddamn garbage without it being a fight! Oh, I do love that man!!
I've been with Big Daddy for almost 13 years now and married for 12. I know, I'm a saint; if you wish to express your condolences, send wine in lieu of flowers.
Carrying on... my point is that in those 13 years that Big Daddy has put up with my shit stuck with me through thick and thin (literally HA!), he has taken great pleasure in commenting on my wine consumption.
Yeh. I drink a lot of wine. I love it. What?
My smart ass retort to his smart ass comment is, "I'll curb the wine intake when you get a finger up your ass and get your prostate checked."
The big guy is now 42. And he STILL hasn't gone for a prostate exam.
I'm not gonna lie, there's some sick and twisted satisfaction I will get when he finally goes for this exam, mainly because of all the shit I had to endure giving birth and suffering the affects AFTER having kids.
Novemeber is "Movember" month and I'm not big on jumping on bandwagon causes because there's something new every month BUT I have this thing about Big Daddy's potential death from causes other than me.
I want him to get it checked. I've been a pain in his ass for almost 13 years... what's a finger from the doctor gonna hurt? A hell of a lot more if he doesn't get it checked, let me tell you.
Talking about things that are out of our comfort zone, and making taboo conversations a little less awkward is kind of my specialty.
So let's talk about prostate cancer. Finger up the butt, early detection, save a life.
We give birth, what the hell should be so embarrassing or uncomfortable for a guy to drop trow in a doctor's office and get a cancer check?
I had to take a few days to decompress from the FIERCE Awards.
The event was beyond what I had envisioned this year, draining me emotionally, physically and mentally, and reinvigorating me at the same time.
Three weeks ago, I was on the verge of cancelling the event.
Some people were complaining about the stupidest things, causing me to question why I was doing this event in the first place. I guess some people feel entitled and just like to bitch about things just for the sake of it, so I considered the sources of the complaints and and what they were bitching about, and moved past it.
I was also having a really tough time finding sponsors for the event and it made me wonder if anyone else could see the vision I had with the FIERCE Awards. I thought maybe I was deluding myself with the idea of this celebration, I mean who am I to put this together or want to honour and recognize amazing women?
When that thought "Who am I?" popped into my head, I immediately flashed back to an interview I did with Danielle Laporte who said...
"We don't give ourselves permission to want what we want.You can't get what you want if you're not fully owning your desire that you want it in the first place.
"You've got to close the gap between desire and giving yourself permission to own that desire, and then when you're there you become magnetic. And in addition to becoming magnetic and attracting the stuff you really want... you get more smart! You start to think more clearly, you're not teasing yourself with 'Do I have permission? Am I good enough? Am I worthy? How am I gonna get it? Who am I? Who am I to want what I want?'
"So you close that gap, you think smarter, you act smarter and you get really strategic about your desire."
Then there was the mice, the break-in (the mice were burglers in their own rights, too but we had an actual thief who stole my jewelry), and I thought I was gonna snap. I surrendered to the universe, I gave up and said I couldn't take any more.
But just as it was all going to shit, it all came together.
Miss Boss came on board as a sponsor (while my house was being broken in to none-the-less), and I returned home to blog about my gratitude and how the sign from Bob Marley meant that Every Little Thing was gonna be all right... Then I noticed my house had been broken in to and in shock, was tweeting about it, devastated at the intrusion, swearing at the universe for fucking with me, and about to just QUIT on the FIERCE Awards when I got this tweet:
My jaw dropped, I sobbed, I was so happy/sad/shocked/still pissed at the universe for fucking with me.
All of that happened within hours, it was seriously weird, as though the universe was in some sort of transition from smackin' me across the head with a big stick to hugging me and saying, "Ha! Sorry about that! It was fun while it lasted!"
And then Shelley Streit, The Cash Creator, generously offered to help in any way she could and became a VIP sponsor as well. And then my twitter friend Kathleen George, founder of Kikkiplanet.com offered to be a category sponsor as well and THEN...
West Edmonton Mall...the gold ring! The "I-never-thought-in-a-million-years-I-would-be-lucky-enough-to-get-them-to-talk-to-me-let-alone-sponsor-FIERCE" DREAM sponsor!
Danielle was right.
And you know who I am?
I am FIERCE!
I am TAMARA!
And hell to the YES I made it happen!
I walked around the FIERCE Awards Thursday night in awe of what was happening. The energy in that room was magical, inspirational, and I was awe-struck by the buzz that I had created. Everyone was having a good time, cheering each other on; there was laughter, tears, clapping, standing ovations.
The night was a success.
Even though I was sleep-deprived, hadn't eaten all day, and frantically ran around doing last-minute things for the event (including a 5 minute spot on CTV for their 5 p.m. show), I felt so grateful for the sense of community I seemed to create, if only for that night.
It was a night I will never forget, and I hope the people who were lucky enough to experience FIERCE felt a fraction of the magical energy that I felt.
I'm so excited about this event, it showcases women who make a difference and who have been recognized by their peers or colleagues.
FIERCE is not a popularity contest, which is one of the main reasons I decided against a People's Choice award for the event. Thankfully I have a wonderful panel of judges (Erica Ehm, Connie Peters, Karen Kay & Kelly Falardeau) who are solely responsible for choosing the winners, allowing me to be free to produce this event.
It's been a lot of work with a good learning curve this year, too, but I am pleased with the overall response I am getting from the nominees and sponsors, even the nominators.
Of course with all of the positive there is the negative but that's OK, too.
I know that once all is said and done, the positive will always outweigh the negative. Last year when the event was over, I left feeling disappointed about the overall event, thinking it could have been bigger, better and done on a more grande scale. This year, I aimed higher but with a bigger event comes a bigger workload and a LOT of early mornings.
But that's OK too!
Because to see so many deserving women recognized and honoured is gratifying in a way I cannot express. I hope they enjoy their spotlight and cheer each other on at the event because that is what FIERCE is really about; women celebrating each other's successes and supporting each other through their failures.
It will be a great night with some of the most inspirational and empowering women I have ever had the privilege of meeting, as well as some women I've yet to meet.
Tickets are still available! Click here for details.
Come and be inspired! Are you coming to the event? Are you as freakin' PUMPED about this as I am?! What are you wearing?
I just read a post by Bored Mommy on Babble.com and, if I'm being honest here, I don't usually read mommy bloggers because they annoy me HOWEVER this post title caught my attention: Stop Judging Other Mothers.
Hell to the motherfuckin' YES!
I have seen a lot of twitter drama lately in the mommy industry and it honestly makes me want to bitchslap someone. Instead I take my frustrations out at Crossfit (seriously, you HAVE to try it. I digress, bear with me I'm on coffee #3 and well-rested after 11 hours of sleep. SQUIRREL!)
Ahem.
Twitter drama. WTF, ladies, are you in junior high? No. So quit acting like it.
All this bullshit about breastfeeding, baby-wearing, nursing in public, discipline ("Gasp! Can you believe she spanked her child?!?!"), my-opinion-is-right-because-I-speak-the-truth, and other catty bullshit, is pathetic.
Since when did you become all holier-than-thou, high-and-mighty?
Get off your high horse, honey.
We all have our own ways of raising OUR kids. See that? OUR kids. Not YOUR kids. You raise yours, I'll raise mine.
Do what you need to do to raise happy, healthy brats. I could care less how you do it, just quit with the fuckin' JUDGING.
When does the judging stop? Gay bashing? Racism? Do you judge someone based on their race or sexuality? Who gave you that right? Judging another MOM based on her choices as a parent to PARENT her own child is beyond words. Why do you care what choices she makes? Are they affecting you? Does her choice of whether or not she breastfeeds or baby wraps have a DIRECT impact on you? Probably not. So are you judging just to hear yourself speak? "I'm going to yell the loudest about my indignation of this woman's choices! How dare she choose something I don't agree with!"
Funny thing about choices, we live in a FREE country where women get the chance vote and *gasp* even become leaders of this country!
Do you realize how stupid you look when you make catty comments? Or hide behind your twitter accounts? Oh yeh, you're tough online. It's easy to hide behind a computer and say things you would NEVER dare say to someone's face, isn't it?
I don't care what your choices are just don't force them down my throat unless you want to drop the gloves for real because I promise you, there is nothing I would say online or about someone that I wouldn't have the balls to say to your face.
I am TRYING to create a community of NO CATTY BULLSHIT here, ladies. So grow the fuck up and quit with the mama drama. Learn to celebrate each other, work with each other and play NICE. Keep that school yard shit in the past where it belongs.
I'm sick of seeing women tear each other apart with snarky ass comments, condescending tones and smug arrogance. You're not better than me, I'm not better than you and NO ONE is a better MOM than YOU ARE.
So why does it matter what you feed your kid, whether or not you swear in front of them, how you discipline (child abuse is not cool, btw, I do not advocate or endorse that but I have been known to swat my kids on the ass as they walk by) or ultimately how you raise your OWN children?
The so-called self-proclaimed leaders/experts/whatever title you have given yourself need to recognize that if you are a business who is judging OTHER MOMs/women, you are only damaging your own reputation.
Yeh, MOM is the "anti-June Cleaver" magazine but I could care less if you bake from scratch and wear an apron everyday. I'm making my kids Halloween costumes, who am I to judge?
But right now, I'm judging you right now for being a judgemental biatch.
So quit with the drama, quit with the bullshit and act your fuckin' age.
This time last year, I was in the middle of the worst depression I had ever faced.
I was two weeks away from hosting the first-ever FIERCE Awards, and I had become a shadow of my former self. Where I was normally a colourful and vibrant person, I only emitted dull, grey energy. Where I had once had a zest for life that was contagious, I had become sad, lifeless almost.
I didn't want to host the FIERCE Awards last year but I was obligated to because there was a list of nominees who had already been denied their celebration in April because after my granpa died, I was too drained emotionally to get my shit together.
I started getting emails in May asking about the FIERCE awards and knew I had to do something to celebrate the wonderful women who had been nominated so I made it happen, and truthfully it was probably the real start of my healing process.
Looking back at the last year, I see myself for who I was, what I became, and the steps I took/am taking to get back to get back to where I was.
I'm not proud of my behaviour. A lot of people who didn't know me but had met me were seeing the dark version of Tamara, not the REAL me. Maybe at the time that was the "real" me but it was not who I truly am.
Flash forward to this Thanksgiving and I am filled with gratitude for the people who helped me over these past couple of years and especially to Big Daddy who (for some strange reason that I will never comprehend) decided not to throw that wine bottle into a wood chipper knowing I would dive in to save it.
I try to practice gratitude every day thanks to my BFF and girl-version of Big Daddy, Karissa (seriously, they are so damn similar it scares me). Karissa gave me Louise Hay's Meditations to Heal Your Life and Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, ultimately forcing me to embrace my spirituality, hence practicing gratitude.
But today, looking back and reflecting on everything, I know how fortunate I am to be in such a better place, emotionally.
This time next year, I hope to be blogging about how much healthier I am, physically.
On my journey of getting back to good, my next and final step is my health. Last week I started Crossfit at Crossfit Aurora, and although I felt like puking after the first class, I went back the next day.
FIERCE Awards are 14 days away (buy tickets or sponsor this event pretty please) *batting my eyelash extensions*
I started a new workout program with Crossfit Aurora on Monday that takes 3 hours out of my day (45 min there, 70 min Crossfit, 45 min home).
Halloween is sneaking up on me and I have costumes to make my kids (Oz wants to be Link, Lola wants to be Zelda) *SMH*
Lola will be SIX in less than a month so I have her birthday to plan and execute.
I am now involved in the Go Blue 4 U fundraiser to raise $$ for Mental Illness Awareness Week because it's no secret depression and I are archenemies.
I've been up since 2 a.m. this morning, updating the MOM website because, you know, fresh content is always good!
And I haven't felt this energized or refreshed in a LONG TIME!! I thrive on this kind of pressure! But I learned from Danielle LaPorte to schedule "burnout time." She goes hard like I do and eventually needs to just "burnout."
And that's OK.
My burnout time will include a LONG OVERDUE trip to my happy place, SIN CITY, where I will be researching all things deviant and debauchery so I can report back to you with MOM's Guide to Vegas 2.0 (OK, it's not ALL deviance and debauchery but it sure isn't the PG Version for Moms!).
Before Ron and I escape reality to Vegas we will be chillin' out at the Jasper Park Lodge for their signature event "Christmas in November" which will be a nice way to wind down after the Tazmanian Devil that is my October.
I'm kind of spacing out right now, I can't believe there are only 14 days left until the FIERCE Awards. And I'm really sore from Crossfit *wince* but totally pumped to find a workout I love.
If anyone wants to come and clean my house for me, I would be more than grateful and pay you in winenipple pinches coffee :D It's good karma, you know. Think about it :D
Later kids, I have a FIERCE gala to bring to life! *seriously, get your early bird tickets before 6 p.m on Oct. 7 or consider becoming a sponsor*
Thanks to Crossfit Aurora for putting up with my whiny ass while I get my badass self back into fighting form. And if you think I swear a lot on Twitter or here, come to a Crossfit class with me.
I can't type anymore now, it hurts.
Later.
t.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
It all started with this tweet:
And so I decided to humiliate myself and write my own version of Rizzo's classic "There Are Worse Things I Could Do" from the hit Grease.
If you follow me on Twitter you may have heard that a mouse decided to move in last week... went something like this:
Anyhooters, I have had a seriously tense week wondering if that mouse was going to nibble on my toes while I worked so mornings have kind of sucked for me. Add to that a cold that had me on my deathbed for a few days, PMS, the FIERCE awards, PLUS kids who want to be fed and talked to, and I have been one tense chiquita.
Planning the FIERCE awards is no easy feat and I'm not complaining because the universe knows I do this to myself but sometimes between looking for sponsors, finding the right venue, planning the event, designing the certificates and promo posters, writing the press release, updating the website, keeping up on Twitter & Facebook, sending out tickets, keeping it all organized, and wondering if it really makes a difference to anyone whether or not these awards are even held... the universe sends me a sign.
I don't listen to the radio much but was driving home from securing one of our first sponsors the FIERCE Awards (Yay to Miss Boss for presenting the VIP Reception!!) and I was stressing about the cash crunch for these awards when I absent-mindedly hit the radio button and my eyes popped open as soon as I heard the steel drums.
This is what I heard:
Sayin' this is my message to you... Singin' don't worry... 'cause every little thing's gonna be all right.
The sign was in a form of Bob Marley's hit song, Everything's Gonna Be All Right.
I smiled and knew that something I had tweeted earlier in the day had set me on the right path:
And on that note, I have a FIERCE awards gala to put together!
UPDATE: Definition of irony: About an hour after I wrote this post I realized my house had been broken into and my jewelry was stolen. Sigh.
I still trust the universe and know it really will be all right.
